The other day we were standing (the usherettes and I) behind
the sweet kiosk, looking through the front door of the cinema
and watching a twitchy-looking man with a moustache whose date
hadn't turned up.
We were thinking that maybe we should make a giant Box Hill
Phoenix Dunce's Cap, which would read: YES! YOU HAVE BEEN STOOD
UP, THE MANAGEMENT AND STAFF OF THE BOX HILL PHOENIX OFFER YOU
THEIR SINCERE REGRETS. And then, whenever this happens, which
is - let's face it - every show, we could march out there and
crown the poor embarrassed dope. Make them realise that, yes,
as they thought, everybody was watching: and yes - what a fool
they did look, No, they mostly turn up in the end, don't they?
They've been held up on public transport, or their meeting ran
a little late, or…
If the waiting party does decide: To hell with it, I'll go in
and watch the film anyway and then comes over to leave the ticket
at the box office, I love the way they always assume that you'll
be able to recognise Cathy or Debbie or Pete or whoever. 'She's
large and blonde.' Well thanks! Leaving you with the pleasant
task of going up to every large blonde person who may happen
to wander in and ask: 'Are you Debbie?' Which can elicit some
very strange responses, let me tell you.
We don't just watch the customers, we listen to them too. And
I often think it would be useful for a film-maker to come and
stand by the door (as the ticket-tearer does) and listen to
the remarks they make as they come out. From (of Meryl Streep)
'She is good, yeah, but she always acts like she's watchin'
herself, d'you know what I mean?' to (of Maurice: American accent)
'What was that about? Two faggots, at college, I don't geddit.'
The one thing you do learn from watching audiences come and
go every day is that there are as many different tastes as there
are films. There will always be someone who will rave about
any film: there will always be someone who will walk out. By
the same token, each film will pull in a completely different
flavour of audience: the mainstream-entertainment audience (Nuns
On The Run, Pretty Woman), the nostalgic-no- four-letter-words
audience (A Room With A View, Driving Miss Daisy), the young
and trendy audience (Sex, Lies And Videotape, Sweetie), the
gay audience (anything by Adlon, Waters, Almodovar), the Jewish
audience (Crossing Delancey), the Japanese/ people-with-Japanese-lovers
audience (Dreams), the frustrated middle-aged woman audience
(Shirley Valentine), the I-should-have-seen-this-three-years-ago
audience (Jean De Florette, Manon Des Sources) - the astonishing
thing being that there they all are, hundreds of different individuals,
all of whom fit the stereotypes you'd think only existed in
cartoons: the trendies with their denims and copies of Time
Out, the no-four-letter-words gang in their suits or Times Special
Offer tweeds, the greens in their sandals … you wouldn't
think so many cliches walked the streets until you've seen the
foyer filling up with them. |
